I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
