Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
