You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
