The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
