One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
