I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
