as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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