Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
