omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
