you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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