I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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