the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
All I want is dick and wine.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
