Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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