What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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