If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
