My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
