You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
