I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
