I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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