Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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