New low: just hacked my moms facebook
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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