you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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