I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize