Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
