my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore