I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah