How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
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No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
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You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only