Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV