$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC