Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?