she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?