you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
