I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
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So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
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The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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