Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Never underestimate the power of titties
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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