You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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