Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
