Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
