I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
