Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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