she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
