So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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