Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
