The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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