is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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