Taylor Swift is so right about you.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
