You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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