mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize