FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I love you.
Bad choice
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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