I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
