But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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