Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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