I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
