make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
