Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You can't motorboat a personality
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
