The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
