Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
