there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
