Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
