youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
