Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
even my farts smell like vagina
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
