It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
