they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
