I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
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I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
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Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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