your room smells of hookers.
And success
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
