Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
