So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
