whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
