just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
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i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
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Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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