you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
