Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
