the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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