I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize