I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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