Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You need Xanax blowdarts
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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