i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
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Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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