I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My boob is missing a layer of skin
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
